Baby Steps When Grieving



Baby Steps When Grieving

This has been an especially hard week. Last Friday my husband received a call from his doctor saying he needed to go to the ER for emergency kidney stone surgery.  Unfortunately, this isn’t new for us since this was his 37th surgery for kidney stones since he was 18.  But still, not a call you like to receive.  He was admitted to the hospital and had surgery the following day. 

Luckily, I had already taken a couple of days off work to spend some time with the kids on spring break.  Not our idea of fun, but at least we were together. 

When I returned to work on Wednesday I found out my old boss and a good friend had passed away.  This was turning into a really crummy week!  I couldn’t stop the tears and had to walk away from my office for a little while.  I reflected on the great memories of my friend. I don’t think I ever saw Pam without a beautiful smile on her face. She was always uplifting and a great support.  She will always hold a special place in my heart.

My favorite memories of Pam and things she taught me:

·       When ever my kids were in trouble I would vent to her and she would always say, “This will pass and one day you will miss this”.  She taught me to enjoy every moment with my kids, even the frustrating ones.

·       I hate work trips!  But traveling with Pam was always a blast. She taught me to have fun in every situation, especially those that were the most unpleasant.

·       She had the biggest heart.  She adopted senior dogs to gave them a loving home during their last weeks/months/years here. 

·       Her love of nature. She taught me about my garden and why I should love bees even if I am deathly afraid of them.

·       She had so many beautiful dreams for the future.  She was taking her baby steps to make them come true. She was so determined in everything she did. She was a true inspiration to me and so many others.

Thoughts that kept going on in my head throughout the week:

·       “Why are we still working?!”

·       “Can’t the world stop for just 5 minutes so we can pay our respects on our friend and loved one?!”

·       “Why does all of this matter anyway?”

·       “I really don’t care about my work, I just want to quit and be with my family and friends.”

·       “Why didn’t I reach out to her more?”

·       “It’s not fair that life just goes on.”

Have you ever had those thoughts and felt the same way? I know when we are grieving we can feel so alone, that is when we need to reach out to others the most.  All I wanted to do was isolate myself and be sad.

So how did I continue through my week?

·       I spent time in prayer and meditation.

·       I allowed myself to be sad and actually feel the feelings.

·       I reached out to those closest to me so I could share my grief with them.  They didn’t even need to say anything…just knowing they were there for me.

·       I am writing this blog to release some of my feeling and to honor my dear friend Pam in some small way.

·       I am thinking of all the things I am grateful for, I am so very blessed.

·       I am remembering all the wonderful memories we had together.

·       I am remembering how she made me feel…and that was happy, not sad. So now when I think of her I smile and sometimes laugh because that is what we did together.  I want to remember those feelings and keep them dear to my heart.

I know I will still have my sad moments, but I also know grieving doesn’t always have to be feeling sad. Today I am choosing to remember her smile…and that makes me smile.

When I met with my coach she asked me what Pam would be saying to me right now.  I think she would say, “Life is too short.  Don’t stay in a job you hate. Go and do what you love.  Go and make a difference. You are an amazing mother and I am so proud of you.”

Thank you, Pam for always being there for me.  I love you my friend and miss you greatly.  Until we meet again.



I would love to hear from you. Did this resonate with you at all?  How to you handle grief?   What tips do you have?